Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
