If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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