I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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