P.S. I can't hear my feet
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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