Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
