And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
