And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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