Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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