someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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