Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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