can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
