I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
