we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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