You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
