Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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