I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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