Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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