he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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