Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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