Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
