took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
