Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize