Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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