So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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