dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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