your parents love me but you hate me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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