Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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