Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
