My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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