Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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