You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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