Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
