I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize