I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
