You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
