i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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