I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
