how can u be prego again
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
