yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
