Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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