Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
