This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
