went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
