i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize