Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
