you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
