It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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