You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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