It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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