She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
