I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
