You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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