Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
