Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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