please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
