Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
