i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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