Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
