he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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