New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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