I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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