You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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