You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
