OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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