Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
